I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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