You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
