I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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