You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize