Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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