Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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