I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
