So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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