I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
