i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
