He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
