is wine microwaveable?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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