so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
