She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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