dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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