I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
