I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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