you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
How does one acquire holy water?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
