Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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