It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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