It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
