no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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