After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
