I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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