Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
