Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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