Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You ate ashes out of my bong
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
