I hate all girls vehemently.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
