Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
