she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
