your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
