Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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