I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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