I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
