i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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