I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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