He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
God, you're like boner-b-gone
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
