oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
