I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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