Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
