your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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