it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
