i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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