oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she peed on how many people?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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