your parents love me but you hate me
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
