i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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