My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
