I'm really into asian looking animals
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Houston, we have a blender
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
