My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
