im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
