How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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