Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
