yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize