you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
