You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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