oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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