haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
