I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
