I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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