I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
