So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
