the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
