I think i sorta joined a cult last night
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
