i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize