We're facebook friends in real life
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
