dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
