Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize