Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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