nut hugger
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
