I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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