I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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