Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
