So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He has the fingertips of a God
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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