Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
