doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
