this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
