Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
