just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
don't judge my taste in strippers
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
