Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
