She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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