I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
