Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
