so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
