I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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