We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
