My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
