i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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