I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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