I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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