i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
