i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
did you just send me my own nude
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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