This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
