omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
