ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
