Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Two words: nipple clamps
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