its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize