Don't make out with my wife yet
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
