Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
