i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
