is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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